:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
