Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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