So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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