I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
