Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
