Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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