her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
