I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
