Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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