rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
