were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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