Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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