He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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