found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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