I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
soo... how was my night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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