Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She even gives head with a lisp.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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