WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
