He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
