Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
