You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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