Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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