I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
