mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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