I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
