Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
