ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
