It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
