My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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