This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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