I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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