You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize