he puts the penis in happiness.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
