plz talk dirty to me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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