Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
