even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
