In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
