I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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