the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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