i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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