I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
