Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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