She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
