All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
