I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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