i'm signing you up for texting rehab
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
