You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
