She is in my trunk
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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