Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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