he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
