i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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