I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
