We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
