im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize