mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just forgot I was standing up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
