I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
