it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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