I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.