Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.