I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.