i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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