I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
