She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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