got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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