We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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