I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My balls are so social today.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
