Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
