if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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