it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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