god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
