covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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