Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
