I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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