just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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