If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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