I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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