I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
