I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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