Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
