Are we in a gay sports bar?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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