I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wear drunk well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
