so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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