There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
