just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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